5 Things to Never Do After Breaking up with a Narcissist
Breaking up with someone, especially a narcissist, can be a challenging ordeal. Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Individuals with this disorder often display selfishness, are incapable of deep love, do not have the ability to self-reflect, and show no willingness to be accountable for their negative behaviors and life choices. To them, the rules simply do not apply. Understanding how to navigate the end of a relationship with a narcissist is crucial for your emotional well-being. Read more to learn the 5 things to never do when breaking up iwth a narcissist by a narcissistic abuse counsellor.
What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental condition in which individuals have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Only psychiatrists and psychologists can diagnose NPD. However, individuals with NPD typically do not seek medical diagnosis because they feel they are fine and it is everyone else who has the problem. As a result, they are often underdiagnosed. Despite this, many armchair psychologists label their exes as having NPD. It is important to remember that people in general may exhibit certain behaviors that seem narcissistic at times, but that does not mean they have NPD. It is wise to be careful when using this term.
Beware of Armchair Psychologists
It is important to recognize that the term “narcissist” is frequently overused, especially by individuals who have labeled their ex-partner as such. While social media groups can be beneficial for venting and gaining support, these groups may contain individuals who are narcissistic, uninformed, or not trained to assist someone experiencing a breakup with a true narcissist. Consequently, the advice given in these groups may be harmful. The author has often observed group members advising others based on their personal experiences, which may not be applicable if their partner does not actually have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Therefore, individuals should exercise caution. Additionally, many people in these groups may lack the financial resources to afford therapy. Support groups can be valuable, but it is crucial to critically evaluate any advice from strangers whose credibility cannot be verified. People who are still unhealed from their experiences with narcissism often have a strong desire to help others going through similar situations. However, it’s wise to ensure that helping someone is not driven by one’s own unmet needs before offering assistance. When considering advice, be sure to weigh your options carefully and ensure that the guidance you receive aligns with your values and end goals.
Typical Issues Seen in Narcissistic Relationships
Being in a relationship with a narcissist involves enduring a range of manipulative behaviors. Narcissists often engage in love bombing, where they shower you with excessive attention and affection to win you over. Future faking involves making grand promises about a future together that they have no intention of fulfilling. Breadcrumbing is when narcissists give you just enough attention to keep you hooked, but never enough to truly satisfy. Cognitive dissonance occurs when your beliefs about the narcissist clash with their actual behavior, causing confusion and emotional turmoil. Understanding these issues is essential for protecting yourself and preparing for a breakup.
5 Things to Never Do After Breaking Up with a Narcissist
In the tumultuous process of breaking up with a narcissist, certain actions can exacerbate the situation or hinder your healing. Here are five things to never do when breaking up with a narcissist:
- Engage in Arguments: Narcissists thrive on conflict and will use arguments to manipulate and control you. Continuing to engage with a narcissist allows them more opportunities to twist your words, gaslight you, and consume your time. Avoiding arguments helps you maintain your emotional stability, allowing you to think clearly and make rational decisions. For example, if a narcissist tries to provoke you by criticizing your actions, remaining calm and walking away prevents them from gaining control over your emotions.
- Expect Closure: Narcissists are unlikely to provide closure, as acknowledging your feelings does not align with their self-centered nature. Trying to get closure will feed the narcissist’s ego, making them feel that you care enough to continue engaging with them. They will revel in the fact that you seek their valuable thoughts on why they don’t care enough to make changes to their behavior and would rather discard you. By not expecting closure, you protect yourself from further emotional distress and disappointment. For instance, if a narcissist refuses to discuss the breakup, finding closure within yourself through reflection and self-care can help you heal.
- Seek Revenge: Trying to get back at a narcissist can lead to further manipulation and emotional harm. Avoiding revenge allows you to focus on your own healing and personal growth. Rather than seeking revenge, let the narcissist learn by the law of natural consequences. If they assault, break into your home or take your belongings, do advocate for yourself and call the police. Do not engage in the narcissist’s behaviors back. For example, instead of engaging in vengeful acts, investing your energy in hobbies and activities you enjoy can help you move forward positively. A great quote from George Bernard Shaw is ‘I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.’
- Remain in Contact: Maintaining contact with a narcissist allows them to continue exerting control over you. Cutting off communication is crucial for your healing process, as it helps you establish boundaries and regain your independence. For example, blocking their phone number and social media accounts prevents them from reaching out and manipulating you.
- Share Personal Vulnerabilities: Narcissists will exploit any personal information you share to manipulate you further. Guarding your vulnerabilities protects you from emotional harm and manipulation. For example, if a narcissist knows about your struggles with self-esteem, they might use this to undermine you; sharing these concerns with trusted friends or professionals instead ensures you receive genuine support. Additionally, be sure to separate your finances, change locks, keys, and take other measures to protect yourself from potential harm and manipulation.
It is perfectly normal to feel the urge to react in these ways when breaking up with a narcissist. After all, emotions run high during such a tumultuous time. However, reacting in these manners may feel fruitless and can ultimately prolong your suffering. Understanding that these behaviors will not change the narcissist’s actions or bring you the peace you seek is essential. Focus on actions that nurture your healing and protect your emotional well-being.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy can be an invaluable resource when dealing with the aftermath of a narcissistic relationship. A compassionate therapist can help you create clarity, process the hurts and trauma, and rebuild your sense of self. Therapy offers a safe space to explore your feelings, understand the dynamics of your relationship, and develop strategies for moving forward. It provides the support and tools needed to recover from the destabilizing effects of being with a narcissist.
Conclusion
Breaking up with a narcissist is a complex and emotionally taxing experience. By understanding what narcissistic personality disorder is and recognizing the typical issues in these relationships, you can better navigate the breakup process. Remember the “5 things to never do after breaking up with a narcissist” to safeguard your emotional well-being. Seeking therapy can greatly aid in healing and moving on from this destabilizing relationship. Prioritize your mental health and well-being as you embark on the journey toward recovery and self-discovery.
About
Heather Caruso is a compassionate, skilled, and intuitive trauma therapist, registered psychotherapist, narcissistic abuse treatment clinician and art therapist. She offers a unique blend of therapeutic approaches to help her clients navigate their healing journeys. Heather’s deep empathy and expertise create a safe and nurturing environment for those dealing with a mental health issue. Heather offers in person sessions in Guelph ON and online session for people from Ontario.
To support individuals in finding the right therapeutic path, she offers a free Zoom chat where people can ask questions and determine if her therapy services are a good fit for their needs. To book an appointment, click the button below.
