Understanding Grief After a Breakup
It is perfectly normal to feel grief after a breakup. Whether the separation is from a friend, family member, or intimate partner, the pain and loss can be profound. Grief is a natural response to losing someone who played an important role in your life. This emotional journey can be as intense as mourning a death because you are dealing with the loss of shared dreams, experiences, and future plans. Recognizing the 5 stages of grief breakup can help you understand what you are going through.
Symptoms of Grief
The symptoms of grief are varied and can include sadness, anger, confusion, and even physical symptoms like fatigue or insomnia. You might find yourself crying unexpectedly or feeling numb. Remember, these reactions are normal, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Validating your feelings is an essential part of the healing process; you are not alone in these emotions. The 5 stages of grief breakup are a framework to help make sense of these feelings.
What is the Normal Timespan of Grief in a Breakup
Grief can take varying amounts of time to process. Some people might feel a sense of relief sooner, while others may take months or even years to fully move on. Research by Lewandowski (2007) in the journal called “Family Transitions”, found that it typically takes individuals about six months to start feeling better after the end of a relationship. However, it’s important to recognize that each person’s experience is unique, and trying to fit your grief into a predefined schedule is not wise. Pressuring yourself to “get over it” can be counterproductive and may hinder your healing. The 5 stages of grief breakup do not follow a strict timeline and can vary greatly from person to person.
Learn About the Five Stages of Grief Breakup
The concept of the five stages of grief was introduced by Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying.” While originally focused on terminally ill patients and their families, these five stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—are now widely recognized as applicable to various forms of loss, including breakups. Despite this being related to death, it can be applied to relationships. Understanding these stages can provide insight into the emotional journey following the end of a significant relationship, helping individuals navigate their feelings and find a pathway to healing.
1. Denial
The initial stage where you might struggle to accept the reality of the breakup. You may find yourself thinking, “This can’t be happening,” or hoping for reconciliation despite clear signs that the relationship has ended.
2. Anger
As the reality sets in, anger often follows. You may feel resentment towards your ex-partner, yourself, or even the circumstances that led to the breakup. This anger is a natural part of the grieving process.
3. Bargaining
In this stage, you might try to negotiate or make deals to bring your partner back. Thoughts like, “If I change, maybe they will come back,” are common as you struggle to regain control over the situation.
4. Depression
A deep sadness and sense of loss characterize this stage. You may feel hopeless, withdrawn, and unable to see a way forward. It’s essential to allow yourself to feel these emotions rather than suppressing them.
5. Acceptance
The final stage involves coming to terms with the breakup. Acceptance doesn’t mean forgetting or never feeling sad again, but it signifies finding a way to live with the reality of the situation and move forward. It brings us to a deeper acceptance of our loss, reinforcing the realization that the relationship has truly ended and that it is time to let go.
Beyond the widely recognized five stages of grief, relationship breakups may also encompass three additional stages. Initially, we search for answers to create an understanding of what went wrong and why the relationship ended. This quest for clarity helps to frame the experience within a comprehensible context. As we move forward, in the seventh stage, we experience redirection and hopefulness. Here, we begin to envision a future beyond the breakup, embracing new possibilities and fostering a renewed sense of optimism about what lies ahead.
Getting Stuck in Grief and How It Commonly Happens
Some people who are grieving might get stuck at certain stages. This often happens because the emotions tied to the breakup are so overwhelming that they can feel unmanageable. For instance, you might find yourself perpetually angry or unable to move past the bargaining stage. There is rumination and you become stuck with thoughts on replay. Avoiding grief and the painful feelings associated with it can also keep you stuck. Suppressing your emotions might seem like a way to protect yourself, but it can prolong your suffering and impede healing. Suppression does not allow you to feel your feelings, process them and allow them to diminish. Recognizing where you might be stuck within the 5 stages of grief breakup is an important step toward recovery.
The Benefits of Therapy When You Get Stuck in the 5 Stages of Grief Breakup
Therapy can be incredibly beneficial in helping you process your grief. Speaking with a therapist allows you to explore and understand your feelings in a safe, supportive environment. One particular form of therapy that can aid in grief is art therapy.
Art Therapy
Art therapy involves using creative expression—such as drawing, painting, or sculpting—to explore and process emotions. This form of therapy can be especially helpful for those who find it hard to articulate their feelings verbally. Engaging in art therapy can provide a sense of relief and a new way to understand and cope with your grief.
Brainspotting
Brainspotting is a powerful therapeutic approach that identifies, processes, and releases core neurophysiological sources of emotional and physical pain, trauma, and other challenging symptoms. By locating points in a person’s visual field that are connected to distressing experiences, brainspotting enables the brain to access and resolve these deep-seated issues. This method can be particularly effective for those grappling with the trauma and grief of a breakup. It helps individuals move past stuck points by facilitating the brain’s inherent capacity for self-healing. Through brainspotting, a person can achieve deeper emotional regulation, reduced distress, and an enhanced ability to process and integrate difficult emotions, ultimately aiding in the journey toward recovery and wellness.
Conclusion
In conclusion, experiencing the 5 stages of grief breakup is a natural and necessary part of healing after a separation. Allow yourself to feel and express your emotions without judgment. Seeking support through therapy, including art therapy, can offer significant benefits and help you navigate the difficult journey of grief. Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to take the time you need.
About
Heather Caruso is a compassionate, skilled, grief counselor, trauma therapist, registered psychotherapist, narcissistic abuse treatment clinician and art therapist. She offers a unique blend of therapeutic approaches to help her clients navigate their healing journeys. Heather’s deep empathy and expertise create a safe and nurturing environment for those dealing with a mental health issue. Heather offers in person sessions in Guelph ON and online session for people from Ontario.
To support individuals in finding the right therapeutic path, she offers a free Zoom chat where people can ask questions and determine if her therapy services are a good fit for their needs. To book an appointment, click the button below.
